Love Addiction, Approval Addiction

In my experience as a counselor for 40 years, I have found that love addiction and approval addiction are far more prevalent than any other substance or process addictions. We live in a love-addicted, approval-addicted society.

What does it mean to be love/approval addicted? Below is a checklist for you to see if you are addicted to love and/or approval. Believing any of these may indicate love or approval addiction.

I believe that:

* My happiness and wellbeing are depended upon getting love from another person.

* My adequacy, lovability, and feelings of self-worth and self-esteem come from others liking me and approving of me.

* Others disapproval or rejection mean that Im not good enough.

* I cant make myself happy.

* I cant make myself as happy as someone else can.

* My best feelings come from outside myself, from how other people or a particular other person sees me and treats me.

* Others are responsible for my feelings. Therefore, if someone cares about me, he or she will never do anything that hurts or upsets me.

* I cant be alone. I feel like Ill die if Im alone.

* When Im hurt or upset, its someone elses fault.

* Its up to other people to make me feel good about myself by approving of me.

* Im not responsible for my feelings. Other people make me feel happy, sad, angry, frustrated, shut down, or depressed. When Im angry, someone makes me feel that way and is responsible for fixing my feelings.

* Im not responsible for my behavior. Other people make me yell, act crazy, get sick, laugh, cry, get violent, leave, or fail.

* Others are selfish if they do what they want instead of what I want or need.

* If Im not connected to someone, I will die.

* I cant handle my pain, especially the pain of disapproval, rejection, abandonment, the pain of being shut out - the pain of isolation and loneliness.

Living as a love or approval addict is a very hard way to live. You have to constantly make sure you say the right thing, do the right, and look right in order to get the needed love and approval. Your feelings are on a roller coaster from feeling the wonderful feelings that come from getting your love or approval fix to feeling the despair that comes when your supply the source of your love and approval - shuts down, gets angry or judgmental, or goes away.

THE UNDERLYING CAUSE OF LOVE AND APPROVAL ADDICTION

Love and approval addiction is rooted in self-abandonment. Imagine the feeling part of you as a child your inner child. When you are love or approval addicted, you have handed your inner child away for adoption. Instead of learning to take responsibility for your own happiness by loving and approving of yourself, you have handed your inner child away to others for love and approval making others responsible for your feelings. This inner self-abandonment will always cause the deep pain of low self-worth, making you dependent upon others for your sense of worth.

The sad thing about all of this is that love is the most abundant thing in the universe. We live in a sea of love it is always within us and all around us. It is our Source. When you learn to open to Spirit/God/Source, you become filled with love, with peace, with joy. The empty place within that yearns to be filled becomes so filled with love that it overflows to others. You find yourself desiring to give love rather than always trying to get it.

As long as you make others your Source, you will not find the love, peace and joy that you seek. By learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process that we teach, you can learn to fill yourself with love and heal your love and approval addictions.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and Healing Your Aloneness. She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Get Your Goals Going With 7 Proven Steps

Are you tired of your dreams being just wishful thinking or unattainable fantasies? One major difference between a dreamer and a successful person is the ability to achieve goals. The dreamer just dreams while the successful person puts their dreams into action. Goals are the blueprint to making your dreams a reality.

Get your goals going by following these 7 proven steps:

1. Determine your goals. Establishing clear goals lay the foundation of ultimately achieving them. Put your goals on paper. Be specific. When dreams are too vague, establishing goals becomes difficult. Have a clear vision of what you want the result to be. Ask yourself, "What do I really want?" Determining what goals you really want to accomplish will make the steps to achieving them easier to define.

2. Make a Commitment. You must give 100% to seeing your goals all the way through. Adopt a no excuses approach. Be honest with yourself. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to achieve your goals? Are you willing to devote your time, energy, and finances if necessary? Are you ready to make sacrifices? Is your dream worth fighting for? If the desire is strong enough, you will be able to stay on track and let nothing derail you. There is no need to move forward until you can commit.

3. Plan of Action. Now that your goals are clear, you must begin to put them in motion. Develop a plan of action- specific steps that lead to accomplishing your goals. It is amazing how many people stop at just determining their goals. Success is about doing, it is about action. Really focus on your goals one at a time and ask yourself, "What actions do I need to do to accomplish it?" Identify the outcome you want, and decide what steps are needed to move forward.

4. Give Yourself Deadlines. Look at your plan of action and determine at least 3 weekly tasks that will bring you closer to achieving each of your goals. If your goal is to lose 25 lbs. in 6 months, your action tasks could be to join a gym, make an appointment with a nutritionist, and remove all junk food from kitchen. Choose your deadline and stick to it- no excuses, no matter what. You must determine tasks and deadlines on a weekly basis. You can also consider what you want to accomplish in a year, 6 months, and 1 month to help establish your weekly tasks.

5. Get prepared for roadblocks. Once you are on the road to success, you can expect some bumps along the way. It will happen, so you might as well get prepared. What has stopped you before? Chances are those same obstacles will try to stop you again. Learn ways to blast the barriers that keep you from your dreams. Turn negative thoughts into positive ones, surround yourself with supportive people, don't just quit if you can't finish a task, read at the library if you are too distracted at home. Do whatever it takes to keep you on your mission. Always remember your best protection is to keep your eye on the prize. When discouragement comes, close your eyes and visualize achieving your goal. Take it a step further and really feel that moment of victory.

6. Get support. There is nothing like the support of a trusted friend who is willing to help you. They can keep you on track to achieving your goals. They will hold you accountable and ask you how you are doing with your weekly tasks. Knowing that you have to "check-in" with someone is a huge motivator. Go over your goals, plan of action, and weekly tasks with them. You can also do activities together. Determine and agree on how best they can help you. They will be your cheerleader- always rooting for you to win. Establish some time with them at least once a week. Let your friend know where you are and what needs to be achieved for the week. Share with them any successes and disappointments along the way.

7. Celebrate the small victories. It is easy to be discouraged when it takes time to achieve your goals. Experience the beauty and victory in accomplishing all the smaller tasks that lead to your ultimate desire. Celebrating the small successes is a great way to remain motivated and inspired.

You will get your goals going by following these 7 proven steps. Momentum is powerful. Goal setting is one of the most effective tools to transforming your life. So take the necessary action now and make your goals come true today. There is nothing as rewarding, exhilarating, and satisfying as seeing your goals become a reality.

Now get those goals going!

Allyson Spellman- "The Breakthrough Muse" is a life coach and an expert on breakthroughs to success that motivate and inspire individuals worldwide. Her proven techniques for elevating personal and professional achievement refresh, recharge, and renew the way one can achieve greatness, no matter what! To receive her free special report visit http://allysonspellman.com/Test/gen-step1.php

The Power of Gratitude - Gateway to Riches

Gratitude is said to be the single most positive element to contribute to your Wellbeing, Fulfillment and Wealth

Heartmath conducted an extensive study which showed thoughts of Gratitude are the fastest way to move into your power and influence things around you with positive energy - Athlete's Performance increases, Students Test Scores improve, Executive Thinking and Creativity expand, Powers of Intention grow, no matter what he situation.

Gratitude restores confidence. Gratitude about your current situation - no matter what or how simple, will bring about a feeling of improved wellbeing. Gratitude can help to change feeling alone into appreciating being supported.

The feeling of lack and negativity are often brought on by focusing on what we don't or feel we cannot have. Expand your focus, raise your eyes, look outside your immediate surroundings. Walk around and look to see, or think, of the many things you have access to, which you have no need to own - community, sunshine, the stars, the sight or sound of children playing, a casual hello from someone you meet.

We can even be grateful for things that at first glance may not appear a blessing, such as: * Exercise you get if you cannot find a nearby parking spot
- Cleaning up the house after having friends or family around - think of the special time or what they mean to you
- The early morning alarm - moving into a new day of being needed
- Whatever your income - 2.4 billion people on the planet live on less than $1,000 per year

A large study conducted by Dr Michael McCullough and Dr Robert Edmonds involving more than 700 people separated their field of study into 3 groups of people - those that merely tracked events through their day, those that took particular note of unpleasant events that occurred to them, and lastly a group which focused on being grateful for whatever happened. The third group consistently showed High Alertness, Enthusiasm, Determination, Optimism, Better Energy, Less Depression and Stress, Better Inclination to Help Others, and Ability to Express Love to Others.

You must feel rich to become rich - when you start to feel grateful for whatever you have you will attract more. In today's world Intelligent Quotient (IQ) and Emotional Quotient (EQ) are often thought as important but these both pale when compared with the direct benefits of GQ - Gratification Quotient.

The Power of Attraction which we hear about so much today as so well described in "The Secret" is supercharged through Gratitude.

Gratitude is the fastest path to Riches. Focus on what you have and more will appear. Others will be drawn to your energetic field of gratitude. Riches are more about what you feel than just counting in money. Another Heartmath study showed when we are in a state of gratitude others can sense this up to 6 metres away. This has a direct positive affect on their heart rhythm and their brain waves change to more positive thinking.

Pay attention to what you are focusing on, don't blame or complain this will drain your gratitude. Be grateful for your challenges, create a greater peace of mind and you will open the pathways for opportunities.

Watch out for negative attitudes creeping into your life. Apathy leads to negative thinking. Look for the silver linings in all situations. Slow down, recognise what you already have - especially the simple things in your life, wherever you go. Gratitude will help you feel complete, no matter what your immediate situation.

Gratitude doesn't cost anything but it generates huge riches.

You deserve to be Rich so be grateful and share your gratitude with others. A daily practice of Gratitude will lift and advance all areas of your life rapidly.

Brian Fincham
- Life Coach and founder of Life Development Australia.
Brian has over 20 years Experience Developing and Leading Winning Teams
http://www.lifepathdevelopment.com.au
- a company dedicated to Personal Development and helping individuals build successful home businesses using the proven LifePath Unlimited system.

How to Eliminate Intrusive Thoughts

In almost all cases of general anxiety, the driving factor fuelling the sensations is anxious thinking. Without addressing these intrusive thoughts, there can be little success in eliminating the root of the anxiety.

People who experience anxiety and panic attacks frequently have to deal with the negative side-effects of unwanted thoughts that creep into their minds. These thoughts can range from worries about health, concern over loved ones, or even fears that do not make any rational sense at all but continue to linger in the mind.

Sometimes, the unwanted intrusive thoughts come from previous experiences; other times they are simply bizarre, leaving the person worried as to why such strange thoughts are occurring. In all these cases, the person is upset by the anxious thoughts because they are causing distress and worry. I will guide you through a simple two-step process that is in part related to the One Move which I teach but tailored specifically to dealing with anxious thinking.

Anxious Intrusive ThoughtsTackling anxious intrusive thinking effectively requires a two-pronged approach. To eliminate the negative thinking patterns, there needs to be a shift in attitude along with specific visualization tools.

The Attitude Shift It is not the intrusive thoughts in themselves that cause you distress. It is how you are responding to those thoughts. It is the reaction you are having to the thoughts that enables them to have influence and power over you. In order to better understand how unwanted thoughts come about, it helps to paint a playful visual picture of how this happens. This is a fictional example and will help you better understand how to deal with the issue.

Imagine yourself standing on a street and all around you thoughts are floating lazily by. Some of the thoughts are your own, other thoughts are from outside sources you access such as newspapers, TV, magazines, etc. You notice that when you pay attention to a thought it gravitates nearer. The thoughts you ignore float on by.

When you focus and examine a thought up closely, you notice how it connects to another similar thought, and you find yourself jumping from one thought to the next. Sometimes these are practical, day-to-day thoughts such as bills, chores, etc., or the thoughts can themed by the past or a fantasy/daydream.

In our imagined scenario, you unexpectedly notice a thought hovering in front of you that scares you. This thought is called Fear X. X could be panic attacks, ill health, or something bizarre. You find it impossible not to look at the thought, and as you give it your full attention, this causes it to come closer and closer. When you examine the thought, you begin to react with fear as you do not like what you see. You further notice how that initial scary thought is connected to more worrying what if thoughts that you also examine in detail. The more you try to escape from the thought by pushing it away, the more it seems to follow you around as if it were stuck to you. You try to focus on more pleasant thoughts, but you find yourself continuously coming back to the fearful thought.

Intrusive Thoughts...

There is an expression of thoughts sticking like glue. The very act of reacting emotionally to the thought glues the thought all the more to you, and the more time you spend worrying and obsessing about the thought, the more that glue becomes hardened over time. The thought and all its associated connected thoughts are there in the morning when you wake and there at night when you are trying to get some sleep. The thought becomes stuck to your psyche because your emotional reaction to it is its sticking power. Thoughts are a form of energy, neither good nor bad. It is how we judge those thoughts that determines how much impact they have on our lives. Thoughts need firstly to be fed by attention, but what they really love is a good strong emotional reaction to make them stick!

Thoughts that stay with us are first attracted to us by the attention we pay them and then stuck firmly in place by the level of emotional reaction we have to them.

This is an important point. A thought-even negative intrusive thoughts-can only have an influence over you if you allow it to. The emotional reaction from us is a thoughts energy source. Whats interesting is that either a positive or a negative emotional reaction is fine for the thought. Energy and attention is what it is attracted to. Once you are having an emotional reaction to a thought, you will be regularly drawn to that thought until the emotional reaction has lost its energy and faded away.

For example, if someone you know pays you a very positive compliment, you may find yourself unintentionally drawn to that thought anytime you have a spare moment. You probably find it improves your overall level of confidence and mood throughout the day. Sadly however, we tend to focus less on the positive and more on the negative. We seem to forget those positive compliments all too easily and are drawn more frequently to what might upset us. Taking the opposite example, if someone you know insults you, I am sure that you find the emotional reaction to that thought much more intense and probably very long-lasting.

So the basic pattern of thinking is as follows:

If you are not engaged with an activity or task, your mind will tend to wander to any thoughts that you are having a strong emotional reaction to. In general, as they are the ones that you are probably reacting most strongly to, angry or fearful thoughts seem to surface quickly.

What I am suggesting is that the most ineffective way to eliminate intrusive thoughts is not to try and suppress them. Thought suppression studies, (Wegner, Schneider, Carter, & White, 1987) have proven that the very act of trying to suppress a thought, only results in a higher frequency of unwanted intrusive thoughts occurring. This reoccurrence of the thought has been termed the rebound effect. Simply put: the more you try suppressing a thought, the more the unwanted thought keeps popping up (rebounding).

So how do we begin to tackle this problem of intrusive thoughts?

There needs to be a change of attitude. By a change in attitude, I mean a change in the way you have been reacting to the intrusive thoughts. A change in attitude will quickly disarm the emotional reaction you are having to the fearful thoughts. Once the emotional reaction has been significantly reduced, the anxious intrusive thoughts will dissipate. In the past you have probably tried to rid yourself of the thoughts by attempting to struggle free of them.

The trick, however, is not to attempt to be free of them but to have a new reaction to them when they run through your mind. We can never fully control what goes through our minds, but we can control how we react to what goes on there. That is the key difference between someone who gets caught up in fearful thinking and someone who does not.

The thoughts that terrify us are not fuelled by some unknown force; they are our own. We empower them and equally we dismiss them. When you have an uncomfortable thought you would rather not be thinking, your first reaction is usually to tense up internally and say to yourself, "Oh no, I don't like that idea. I don't want that thought right now. The very act of trying to push these intrusive thoughts away and then understandably getting upset when that does not work causes the thoughts to become more stuck to your psyche.

It's like saying to your mind over and over again "whatever you do, do not think of pink elephants," and guess what? You cant get a single thought in that is not related to pink elephants.

As long as you struggle with the thought, your mind, like a bold child, will keep returning to it. This is not to say your mind is maliciously working against you. It is better to compare the mind to a radar scanner that picks up on thoughts within us that have high levels of emotional reaction connected to them.

To not react emotionally to intrusive thoughts you need to learn to disempower the fear factor of the thought; then you must accept and be comfortable with whatever comes to mind. Don't hide from or push the anxious thoughts away.

So to take an example:

Say you have fear "X" going on in your mind. That fear can be virtually anything your mind can conceive. You know the thoughts are not a realistic fear, and you want them to stop interrupting your life.

Next time the fearful thought comes to mind, do not push it away. This is important.

Tell yourself that that is fine and that the thought can continue to play in your mind if it wishes, but you are not going to give it much notice and you are certainly not going to qualify it by reacting with fear. You know in your heart that the thought is very unlikely to happen. You have a deeper sense of trust and will not be tossed around emotionally all day by a thought. Say to yourself:

"Well that thought/fear is a possibility, but it is very remote and I am not going to worry about that right now. Today I am trusting that all is well."

What is of key important is not to get upset by the thoughts and feelings as they arise. To avoid any fearful emotional reaction to the fear/thought give the fear some cartoon characteristics.

Imagine, for example, it is Donald Duck telling you that "Something awful is going to happen. Aren't you scared?" Give the character a squeaky voice and make it a totally ridiculous scene. How can you take seriously an anxious duck with his big feet? This use of cartoon imagery reprograms the initial emotional reaction you might have had to the thought and eliminates any authority the thought may have over you. You are reducing the thoughts threat. When that is done, move your attention back to whatever you were doing. Remember, you are not trying to push the thought away or drown it out with some outside stimulus.

This takes practice in the beginning, but what will happen is that you will find yourself checking how you think/feel less and less during the day, and as it does not have a strong fearful emotion connected to it, your mind will not be drawn to troublesome intrusive thoughts. To put in another way, the thought becomes unstuck and fades away because the emotional reaction has been neutralized. In fact, that is the first step to moving away from anxious thoughtsneutrality. It is as if your mental energy was spinning in a negative cycle while you were caught in the anxious intrusive thoughts. Now, you are learning to stop the negative cycle, and move into neutral (see illustration below).

From this new position of neutrality, you will experience a much greater sense of clarity away from the confusion of an overanxious mind. Moving into this mindset of neutrality is your first step. Thoughts generally lead us in one direction or another -a positive cycle (peace/sense of control and order) or a negative cycle (anxiety/ fear/ disorder). The next step is to adopt a relaxed peaceful state of mind and move your energy into a positive cycle of thinking.

You might have wondered why it is that some people seem more susceptible to worries and unwanted intrusive thoughts than others. You now know the answer to that. The difference is that the people who seem carefree are the ones who are not reacting with a strong fearful emotion to an anxious thought. These people see the same array of thoughts as an anxious person, but they do not make a fearful thought a part of their lives. They dismiss the thought or laugh it off and have a sense of trust that things will work out fine. They see no point in reacting with fear to these thoughts, and that ensures the thought has no power or authority over them. You may feel that you are by nature an anxious person and that you will always react with fear to these thoughts because you have done so for years. That is not the case. Continuous or obsessive anxious thinking is a behavioral habit, and just like any habit it can be unlearned. I have outlined the quickest and most effective way to do this by using a unique shift in attitude. You can undo years of anxious thinking and reduce your level of general anxiety very quickly. All it takes is practice.

http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.com/intrusive-thoughts.html

This article is copywritten material. Any requests for reprinting this article must be made to Joe Barry McDonagh

Joe Barry is an international panic disorder coach. His informative site on all issues related to panic and anxiety attacks can be found here:

http://www.panic-and-anxiety-attacks.com/

Keeping a Positive Attitude During the Financial Crisis

The President tells us we have staved off a Great Depression with the giant mortgage crisis bail out. The Democratic Candidates tell us that the middle class is dying, people are losing their homes and jobs and the economy is in shambles. We all know that fuel prices are too high and the costs of nearly everything we buy are on the rise.

Treasury Secretary Paulson warns us we are not out of the woods yet and former FED Chairmen Greenspan tells us that this is a one in a century emergency and the 700 billion dollar bail out is the only plausible option. The Commercial Real Estate Industry says they might be next and the retail sector along with car sales are in trouble. GM may need a bail out and the Airlines are all on the verge of stalling out. Corporate America has announced massive lay-offs and huge consolidations, all bad news, very bad news.

So, with all this doom and gloom how on Earth is anyone going to keep a positive attitude? Well, they need too, as "consumer confidence" can often be the difference between economic collapse and a short recession. It's up to all of us now, our leaders have spoken and are taking action, this can work, but not without our help.

It's up to all Americans to think past the mass media hysteria, to believe in our financial system, and to allow it to work through this crisis. After all if you allow yourself to dip into negativity, all you are going to do is cause yourself stress and health issues. And in doing so, you will not be helping yourself, your family or our nation through these turbulent times.

"Lance Winslow" - Lance Winslow's Bio. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/.

Affirmations Don't Work, and How I Finally Got That They Do!

If you've been around the EFT world for any length of time at all, you'll know it's generally believed that affirmations don't work. Until now that is, with this powerful new work by the masterful metaphysician Dr Sylvia Hartmann, called "Power Affirmations".

I like Sylvia Hartmann's approach to life and healing in general, so when I received an email about her new book I thought I'd have a read of her sales page anyway, even though I'm fairly convinced that affirmations pretty much don't work. Why they don't work is that we all have subconscious but powerful limiting beliefs, or "yes-buts", that trigger an internal argument or discomfort when we make statements that are clearly not true.

But, I trust Sylvia and I know she would not be wasting her time or mine writing about something that just doesn't work. Still, I did think - "What, Sylvia's writing about affirmations? Why?" - before I actually clicked on to her site. And I liked what I read, enough to decide that $20 wasn't a huge risk if it turned out to be more of the same old affirmation stuff, and I bought the book.

At just 40 pages "Power Affirmations" is a quick read in Sylvia's very conversational easy-read style.

Now, I have read a lot about positive affirmations, because part of me wants it to be true that making clear statements about how I want to experience life, will be enough to make it happen. For at least fifteen years I've studied many books and DVDs about affirmations, attended lectures, listened to the audios, run a subliminal program on my computer, and in more recent years even joined a membership site or two, all in the quest to find the key that would unlock the door that I would step through to finally "get it"!

But I never did get it. Everything I discovered seemed like so much soul-searching was required, and constant focus, and it was all something I would put off actually doing until I had more time. And the EFT explanation for WHY I didn't get it made sense; all my yes-buts were getting in the way. I've diligently worked on finding my yes-buts and clearing them, and I know there's a long way to go still.

I also know I've got to "feel" the result I want, because charging it up with emotion makes the affirmation more powerful. I teach people how to process their emotions, I know how to process my own, I GET the emotion stuff. But I just couldn't get connected to the big house or the flashy car or really any other hook. So I also couldn't visualize any of it - very frustrating!

But Dr Hartmann taught me, in two pages, how to put the emotion and the pictures in to anything! It is so simple, and so clear, why didn't I see it before? And that's what I love about her teaching style - she understands where most people trip over the basics, shows you how to step over and up, and then takes you deeply and easily into how and more importantly WHY to create your own affirmations.

She also taught a simple amazingly-powerful way to completely nix the yes-buts. I tried it and felt the most incredible shift in my energy, that was really unexpected. I'll be using it every day, easily and seamlessly!

She also covers things I've not read elsewhere, like meta affirmations and affirmation cascades, and her own unique Vega Pattern.

If you're looking for a book that gives you lists of affirmations about any particular subject, this is not the book for you. There are no lists. Also, Sylvia Hartmann has long explored the evolution of consciousness using the language of magic. This makes sense to me, but it might not make sense to you.

For just 40-some pages, this is an information-packed ebook. More importantly, it's an action-packed ebook, with teaching and tools that actually work! At the end of Power Affirmations, all I can say about it is: I get it. Finally!

If you want to finally "get" how affirmations can and will work for you, and how you can powerfully transform anything about your life, get your clarity from http://www.affirmationsdontwork.info.

How to Write Inspirational Articles for Newsletters

Inspirational articles were once limited to self-help and religious publications, but they are just about everywhere now. (Think about those wildly popular Chicken Soup books or most of the stories in Reader's Digest, for example.) Inspirational articles can be very useful in newsletters, because they make a human connection between the newsletter publisher and the reader.

Well-written inspirational articles move people emotionally and motivate them to do something or to make a change of some sort. Nonprofit organizations can use these articles to motivate readers to volunteer, write letters of support, or make a donation. Businesses can use inspirational articles to create a positive public image, build brand loyalty, and encourage repeat business.

Good inspirational articles have five characteristics.

1. They are personal.

Inspirational articles are all about the power of personal connections. They should include very personal stories about real people's lives. Don't shy away from the emotion, as strong and powerful feelings are central to good inspirational articles. You aren't speaking to your readers' minds with these articles; you are speaking to their hearts and souls.

2. They involve an emotional struggle or challenging decision.

Clearly describe the struggles, obstacles, or difficult choices that the people in your article have faced. How did they recognize the problem, deal with it, and overcome it?

3. They paint a scene.

Help your readers visualize what the people in your story went through. Describe the physical locations where the events took place. But dont stop there. Appeal to your readers senses of smell, sound, taste, and touch.

4. They include a universal message.

Inspirational articles usually end with an epiphany. They enlighten us or remind us about the essential nature or meaning of some element of our daily lives. These are often very simple lessons -- the importance of family and friends, the joy in giving, the danger in stereotypes, or the value in facing our fears, for example.

5. They are true.

Your inspirational articles must always be true. It is OK to change the names or locations; just state that you have done so. Making up stories to play on your readers' emotions is unacceptable. If you are caught telling lies, you will destroy any trust your readers had in you and your organization.

What would make a good inspirational article for your organization? Think about the stories from work that you tell your friends and family. Consider interviewing a person whose life or work has changed dramatically as a result of your organization. The moments that inspire you to do the work you do will likely inspire your newsletter readers too.

2005, Kivi Leroux Miller. All Rights Reserved.

Kivi Leroux Miller is president of Writing911.com, which provides free writing advice, tip sheets, e-courses, and in-person workshops for people who need to write well at work. She specializes in providing guidance to nonprofit organizations on newsletters, annual reports, and other publications. Visit http://www.Writing911.com to sign up for "Writing Tips," a free monthly e-newsletter that will help you improve your writing and your publications.

Do You Live Life on Default Or Do You Participate in Your Life

It's incredible the number of people who do very little or no planning in their lives. Who is in charge? What is there to be gained from wandering about life from experience to experience without having any idea of where you are going? I like to think of it as though there is an auto-pilot flying your life - sometimes you'll get something that you really want or arrive somewhere you really want to be, but most of the time, you are simply going to get what you get.

In order to live your life with a sense of direction, you have to make some decisions. You have to decide:

• Where you are going
• What you want to be, do and have
• How active you are going to be in pursuing your goals

I'm a firm believer that there is no pre-determined purpose to our lives and that ultimately, it makes no difference if you live your life set to default, or if you take an active role in your life's direction and purpose. I do get the sense that to live our lives set to default is to miss out on some of the wonderful journeys we are able to create for ourselves. If you constantly find yourself arriving at a new destination, that you didn't pre-plan or intend to arrive at, then surely you've simply been a passenger in your life and not the driver. Ultimately though, if you understand that you have the choice to participate or sit back and let it happen, then you make the choice from an informed position. There are many people who are unaware that they do have the choice to participate in life and it is these people who have the most to gain from reading these words.

So rather than being a passenger, decide where you wish to go, who you wish to be and what you wish to have in your life, and then take action and make it happen.

Dan O'Neil offers Life Coaching and personal development training services in the UK. He specialises in helping people improve their confidence, self esteem and work-life balance. Dan also writes a popular personal development blog.

Self Knowledge

Self knowledge means more personal power. You can more effectively use a computer when you know more about it, and in the same way, you can more effectively use your own brainpower, mind and body when you understand them better. There is, however, one big stumbling block to learning more about ourselves. It is our tendency to rationalize, as demonstrated in the extreme in the following true story.

Jack, while hypnotized by his therapist, was given the post-hypnotic instruction to get up and put on his coat whenever the doctor touched his nose. Once out of the trance, he and the doctor talked. During the conversation, the doctor scratched his nose, and Jack immediately stood up and put on his coat.

The doctor asked why. Jack said "Oh, I thought we were finished," and he took off the coat. A few minutes later, the doctor touched his nose again, and Jack again immediately stood up and put on his coat. "It's getting cold in here," he explained. By the third time, it was getting more difficult for Jack to explain his behavior, yet he still tried to.

Now, is this scenario really unique to hypnosis? I don't think so. We are often just assuming that we know all that goes into our decisions and actions. Like poor Jack, we feel compelled to explain ourselves, and to believe our own explanations. Of course, this isn't self knowledge, but self explanation, or rationalization, and it is one of our strongest human habits.

Self Knowledge Versus Self Explanation

When a child throws a book at his brother, and his mother demands "Why would you do that!?" What usually happens? The child answers, "I don't know," which is true, but entirely unacceptable. With five seconds to come up with an answer, the best psychologists couldn't understand the child's action with certainty, yet a five-year-old is expected to do just that.

Though he may not understand, he learns quickly how to explain himself. With this pressure to explain, it is no wonder that by adulthood, we rarely say "I don't know" when asked about our behavior. Instead, we simply create an explanation. Isn't this a problem if we want true self knowledge? How do we learn the true causes of our behavior if we already have our explanations?

Self Knowledge - I Don't Know

A better approach is to say "I don't know." If it helps, follow it with "Maybe it's because of..." and let the explanations spill out, but don't be too quick to accept any of them. It isn't always necessary to explain.

For example, suppose you are avoiding a certain person. If you never know why you are avoiding them, isn't it better to leave the question open than to accept a false explanation based on a habit of self-justification and rationalization? When you leave questions unanswered, you may someday have a better understanding. A quick answer just means a quick stop in your thinking, and less self knowledge.

Why not just say, "I don't know." Isn't it better to learn to accept your ignorance, and to keep observing yourself? Don't let self-explanation get in the way of of self knowledge.

Steve Gillman has been studying brainpower and related topics for years. For more on How To Increase Brain Power, and to get the Brain Power Newsletter and other free gifts, visit: http://www.IncreaseBrainPower.com

You Can Achieve What You Want

Many people find it difficult to set goals because they regard their goals as something difficult to achieve, as an impossible dream so they play it safe by avoiding thinking about what they want all together. Do you feel you are in this trap? How can you overcome it?

We all possess enormous creativity and can imagine anything we want. When we hold ourselves back for a long time from being creative it might be hard for us to free up our imagination. This is just a matter of practice: the more you do the imagination exercise the better you will become at it.

Now imagine, what goals would you pursue, what would you like to do, to have, to become if you knew you can't fail? Just let your imagination fly.

Remember when you were a child and your imagination was unimpeded by all the constraints imposed by our society, what dreams did you have? Try to remember your childhood wild dreams and start dreaming; let your dreams to take you where you want to be. To facilitate this process you can do this after half an hour of dancing or aerobics exercises to lighten up and let go.

Imagine that you are guaranteed the success, what would you do; what dreams would you have? Try to uncover your deepest desires. There must be something that you pushed deep into subconscious mind because you thought it was impossible to achieve; try to revive your deepest desires.

After that don't think about failure, just keep the image of what you want in your mind at all times. Twice a day do this visualization exercise in a deeply relaxed position and feel a deep gratitude as if you already received it. This will imprint your desire in you subconscious mind that will keep you alert to all the opportunities that will help you realize your dream.

Do you need help to make your dreams come true? Visit http://www.pathstopower.net for a free book and more details

Are you interested in natural health, weight loss, energy secrets? Visit http://www.nutrifitpower.com/ezine.html for free reports and more details

Lynn Alex is a Life-Skills Coach, Yoga Teacher and an American Board Certified Holistic Health Practitioner

How to Permanently Release the Pain of Disappointment and Rejection From Your Past

Old hurts associated with memories of past disappointments have many negative consequences on a person's life. In short they severely constrict the potential of that individual ever achieving a state of joy and fulfillment.

When one experiences a disappointing or hurtful event, be it in one's relational, work or financial life, the memory of that event gets stored in that person's mind/body, i.e. their unconscious mind, along with the associated feelings of emotional pain. These memories, if you reflect on any of them, serve to continually deplete your Life Force Energy. What is the consequence of that to you?

Well for one it is killing you! After all when one's Life Force Energy is completely drained from their Physical Body are they not therefore technically dead?

While you are still alive however, and you have such memories inside you, they "are" killing you and this is associated with many of the following experiences:

Feeling unmotivated to be in life, weak, vulnerable, sad, anxious, depressed, ill, lacking self confidence, lacking self esteem, lacking self worth, unable to trust one's self or others, like hiding or running away from life and so on. All of this equates to you being in a depleted Life Force Energy state.

You see all of one's strength, confidence, self esteem, self worth, resilience, health, courage, happiness, joy, and love for life and so on are inherent qualities of your Life Force Energy. Hence if you are being depleted of it by negative disappointing memories that you carry inside you then you are in a compromised or handicapped state. How does it feel like to "live" (that's a joke) in such a state?

Nick Arrizza MD, a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor is an International Life, Executive, Organizational Tele-Coach, Author, Keynote Speaker, Trainer and Facilitator who lives in Toronto, Canada. He is also on Faculty at Akamai University in Hawaii. He is the CEO and Founder of Arrizza Performance Coaching Inc. and the developer of the powerful Mind Resonance Process (MRP).

A 1 hour free introductory MRP telephone consultation is available upon request by visiting my web site or emailing me at the address below. (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

Email: drnick@telecoaching4u.com

Living Well Costs Less Than You Realize

Actually, it has little or no cost at all. For you see, the ability to live well or have quality in lifestyle depends on where your Human Thermostat is set and the standards and values you hold for yourself.

We are all in business and we all have a life to live. Our business is securing the sustenance required to survive and that we deem important to comfort and continuation such as:

Home and shelter

Food and drink

Clothing and possessions

However, there are others areas of life that must be addressed during the years. Relationships are a major source of emotional extremes and often test the boundaries of comfort and discomfort. Health issues and overall physical and mental wellbeing and stability also eventually demand the attention of the individual. Even death is something that one must learn to face with dignity.

You don't have to go in circles or live in that inescapable rut. Simply turn up your Human Thermostat. Examine yourself with a clear and rational mind. Identify your weaknesses and learn to refine the person you are. Raise your standards as a human being. The quality of your life, what you are and will be and what you have is your choice. You choose to be who you are right now.

Define what it is in life that you envision as living well and the components that make up such a lifestyle. Those should be your focus. If you are ever going to attain a more vibrant and productive life you need to focus on the aspects that define what such a lifestyle means to you.

Stop wasting your time on an existence that doesn't fulfill you as a person.

Raise your personal standards and values

Refine your principles and morals

Redefine your character and personality

Once you learn to change the person you are you will find that the process also changes the results you get and ultimately what you become and have in life. You create your own future in the level of the Human Thermostat. Many of the people who are interested in extreme makeovers and personal change focus on weight, clothing and physical alterations.

True change comes through the revision of how you think and what you base your thought on. Once you think differently your mind responds by telling your body to function in a manner that will make this thought pattern a reality. If you raise your standards and live well your mind accepts this as true reality and guides you along this elevated lifestyle pattern.

Changing your belief structure and the way you live has little cost. Certainly, this is not a call to go out and purchase expensive items. This is a personal challenge to revise who you are and the way you think on a daily basis. Poor people think poorly. They surround themselves and marinade in poor and personal misery. They sit and ruminate over what has or might have been.

People who live exciting and fulfilling lives think at a higher level of quality. They are not accepting of mediocre results and don't seek the easiest or cheapest way. Because they think with quality, they also live with quality. They are not just living better, they are living smarter. Each day they seek out new methods of living a fun fulfilling life.

Think about your life right now. Are you focused on quality and living well or the negative issues and things that you see as problems? You are what you focus on the most. If you focus on problems your life will become a repository of just that. Learn to break that pattern of focusing on only the problems and negatives of life and begin to realign your focus on the quality and purpose of your living years.

AJ Gentry, author of The Human Life Map: The Secret Path Of Life, and Human Excellence Technologies, has pioneered human behavioral research for more than three decades. He invites you to visit the The Human Life Map | The Secret Path Of Life Blog http://www.thesecretpathoflife.com/blog or Hu2 Q&A Blogcast http://blog.thesecretpathoflife.com as he shares knowledge from precursors like Living Dynamics and Success Dynamics.

Attract More Love & Romance By Altering Your Perceptual Position

If you want to learn more about how to attract the attention of others and to attract more love into your life, it can help to alter and vary the position of your perception of your self and others.

How do you view your self? I want to run an idea past you about how you perceive the world around you and your self. Your perception of any experience depends on the position from which you perceive it. I am going to mention three positions here that are useful to you with developing attraction and enhancing the love in your life.

They are known quite simply as the first, second and third positions.

- In the first position you are in your own body, looking out through your own eyes, seeing things from your own point of view.

- Being in the second position means stepping into someone elses shoes, imagining what it is like to be them, looking at the world through their eyes.

- The third position is taking the stance of a third person that is viewing events in which you are involved, a bit like being a fly on the wall (how many times have I wanted to do that?).

You see, taking different perceptual positions enables you to step out of what you are currently experiencing and experience your self in a fresh, new light. It can spice up your perception of your self and make it easier to understand what others perceive in you and how to make you easier to lavish lots of love upon. It allows you to see yourself from a different perspective and gather different kinds of information about your self.

You can also keep a keen eye on how your own behaviour might be affecting other people, and then of course how they might feel about you. Taking different positions enables you to access information that your unconscious mind already has that you may have been overlooking. You can be aware of things that you may not have had a conscious awareness of previously.

So, how about in addition to having your ongoing experience of life solely seeing from inside your own eyes in the first position; you wonder what it is like to be someone else in the same situation, from the second position? Look at your self and see what it is that you can love about your self and you will no doubt find it much easier to ensure you get lots of love without waiting for Valentines day to come around.

Imagine how other people might see you; this is especially useful if that person was someone you know to have a good level of self-esteem and love in their life too.

Thirdly then, see yourself and others as if from an outside perspective, looking at the larger picture as in the third position. Then you can think of using this idea of taking different perceptual positions when you encounter any kind of conflict or when planning a project or evaluating a situation or if you ever feel stuck on something or you are ever in need of a bit more love and want to find more things to enjoy about your self and your life.

Loving your self is like growing and developing self-esteem and confidence in your self and helps with so many things that you and your personal development will benefit from.

When you truly appreciate how others perceive you and update your behaviours accordingly, you can discover how easy it is for others love you more. Enjoy experiencing life from a new perceptual position.

Adam is a best selling author, consultant and speaker please visit his website for a vast range of personal development resources and to receive your free, instantly downloadable hypnosis session and amazing ebook: http://www.adam-eason.com Thanks.

Reinventing Yourself - Six Ways to Become More of Who You Really Are

Reinventing yourself, in the best sense, is a process of becoming more of who you really are. There may be times when you experience life-changes that force you to reinvent yourself, but you don't have to wait for a transition. You can reinvent yourself anytime you choose.

It doesn't have to be a total reinvention; you can reinvent just a part of yourself. The goal is to become more and more aware of, and in alignment with, your true self. Here are six things you can do to reinvent yourself, bit-by-bit, in a way that feels right for you.

#1) Stop and Take Stock of Where You Are Out of Alignment With Yourself

How do you do this? It's easy. Just identify the areas of your life that don't feel as good as you want them to feel. These will be the areas where you are out of alignment with your true self.

#2) Assess The Roles You Have Taken On

Take a look at the different roles you play, and see if any of them make you feel constricted, or trapped.

#3) Awaken and Develop One Aspect of Yourself at a Time

Identify the parts of yourself that are dormant and, one at a time, determine what each part needs to be fed in order to grow to its full potential.

#4) Be Your Own Mirror

Stop asking permission to be who you are, and become the only judge of what is right for you.

#5) Be Proactive and Empowered as The Creator of Your Life

Choose what you want to create in your life, instead of just responding to life's changes.

#6) Let The Process be Organic

This is a process of awakening from within, so let it happen naturally, without feeling you need to push. Think of reinvention as personal evolution, and begin creating a life in which you thrive in every way.

Kimberly Wilborn is the host of The Women's Transformation Show on BlogTalkRadio.com.

Begin your own reinvention at http://www.Womens-Transformation.com

Christian Thinking

There is a popular saying from Mark Twain about Christianity. Mark Twain - "If Christ Were Here Now, There Is One Thing He Would Not Be, a Christian."

Giving this some thought and looking around at the people that view themselves as Christians got me to thinking. Do you think, if Mark Twain were alive today, he would have the same view towards Christians and Christianity as a whole? I wonder if Christ's vision of a better world or society is what's going on today. I read somewhere, where this over 33,000 different types of Christian religions, is this what Jesus had in mind over 2000 years ago.

I don't think Mark Twain was referring to Jesus as being a bad person and Christians not wanting to associate with him. I believe it's the other way around, Jesus was an exceptional person and believed in living a life as an example towards others with kindness, forgiveness and love.

Sometimes Christians get a little carried away when they start talking about loving their neighbors like they would themselves or asking for forgiveness while choosing not to forgive others. It's hard to imagine what Jesus would actually think of modern day Christians or even what he would think about Christianity over a hundred years ago.

I wonder what Jesus would have thought a thousand years ago about Christians. Mark Twain brings up a very good point, if Christ was here today, would he be happy. If you're living a life as a Christian and following in the footsteps of Jesus, you should be proud of yourself. If not, maybe you should start thinking about changing your ways.

If you are following the path of Christ, are you following a path that has been changed and manipulated to benefit organized religion and the advancement of Christianity, or are you following the true path of Jesus. Something to think about if you're planning on spending the rest of your life in the Christian religion.

Greg Vanden Berge is a published author, internet marketing expert, motivational inspiration to millions of people all over the world and is sharing some of his wisdom with experts in the fields of writing, marketing, and personal development. Check out one of his latest articles, What Is The Secret Of Life

Greg is currently working on a self help video library filled with great movies on a wide array of topics, like religion, self help and spiritual changes in the world. His views on religious freedom are slowly changing the way people think about institutional religion.

Stopping Panic Attacks - The 1 Step Solution

Stopping panic attacks is not easy. I know from experience; I lived with it for more than 17 years. During that time I was always on the lookout for ways to improve my condition and my quality of life. Most of the things I tried didn't help at all, but a couple of them did.

What I'm going to talk about next is one of the few things I found that really made a difference and helped in my recovery.

What I'm talking about here is a book. It's called "50 Self-Help Classics," and it's written by a man called Tom Butler-Bowden. What makes this book so different from most others I read in this area is that it's a book about other books. The author has read hundreds and hundreds of self-help books, looking for the handful that are excellent.

And he took the best 50 books on the subject that he discovered and condensed them all into this one little book. That means that by reading this one book you'll actually be learning the information from over 50 books. Pretty neat, eh? It's like stopping panic attacks on turbo!

The reason I recommend this book so strongly to people who are living with panic and anxiety is because so many of the self-help books out there are terrible - a complete waste of your time. But this book, which collects together the ideas and information from the best 50 books out there, contains nothing but great information. The author has done the hard work of reading the books that are terrible so you don't have to.

I believe you'll find dozens of nuggets of information in this book that will help you with your panic and anxiety. In fact, if stopping panic attacks is your main goal right now, then I recommend that buying and reading this book is your very next step.

Since overcoming a lifelong battle with many forms of anxiety disorder, Alex Taylor now devotes his time to helping others recover. He achieves this via his highly-acclaimed online course, "Beat Panic Today." So if you want to stop panic attacks right now you can access the course, free of charge, by going to Alex's website: http://www.PreventYourPanic.com

How Self Help Tapes and CDs Can Help You Become a Happier and More Positive Person

We are bombarded with depressing news all day via the newspaper, the news channels, the radio and even by word of mouth among people. With all the negative activities going on around us it is refreshing to have something positive come our way. That is where self help tapes (or self help cds) on positive thinking come into use. These products are very useful to keep the mind positive even amidst all the chaos happening in the world.

The best thing about these products is that they are books that you don't need to take time out to read. We all know how hard up on time we are usually. Therefore, we will never be able to make time to specifically read books on personal inspiration. On the other hand, these self help tapes are very useful for personal motivation. Therefore, all you need to do is put them on wherever you are, and continue doing your work while enjoying the luxury of motivational talk for inspiration.

There are many publishers who have such motivational texts converted into self help tapes for your convenience. Now you can cook, eat, bathe, work on the computer and feed your baby while listening to these tapes and receive our daily dose of inspiration amidst all the terrorism, violence and sadness of the world. However, while buying any of these you should be sure of what you want. A good idea is to read reviews and find out what other people are saying about a particular product.

If you want to find a way to achieve success and happiness in your life, check out my review of some of the most effective Self Help Tapes (or Self Help CDs) available.

Read my Quantum Mind Power Review To Find out More about this powerful program.

You dont want to miss out on this Amazing Secret when you can discover the answers Today!

The Aging of Relationships

"Yes, I will marry you.....and they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after." If only it were that simple. Most of us have visions of our relationships turning out this way, but that is often not the case. Somewhere between the "I do" and "happily ever after" problems arise. Over half of all marriages end in divorce. Of those marriages that stay together, a large percentage are not necessarily happy. What happens? Why do the majority of couples find it so difficult to stay together and remain happy? Just as individuals go through identifiable stages (infancy, childhood, adulthood, old age) so to do relationships pass through distinguishable stages. There are many different ways to name the stages of relationship. We prefer to use the following three stages: Romantic Love (also known as the honeymoon stage), the Power Struggle Stage, and Mature Love.

Many people are familiar with the romantic stage. This is where our lover is in our thoughts 24 hours a day and every moment apart seems like an eternity. We live for the moments that we can be together. We are aglow with love. Everything in our life seems to go well. Colors are brighter, sounds more distinct, foods tastier. We find that we need less sleep. We can stay out with our loved one dancing the night away and still be up early the next morning, energized and ready to tackle the day ahead. If we have disagreements with our partner, we are willing to listen and even let them win. We are in a state of bliss. Then something happens. Instead of continuing along happily in this state, our eyes (and our hearts) begin to shift their focus and we enter Stage 2.

Stage 2 is the power struggle. Most of us are familiar with this stage as the majority of relationships stay here a long time. It is the stage in a relationship where two individuals try to live together harmoniously while still standing up for their individual differences. This is the time when we try to combine two different ways of being and two different backgrounds into one workable relationship. It includes but is not limited to such things as combining two distinct ways of handling money, keeping house, and juggling time schedules with regard to work, hobbies, family, recreation, etc. It involves consideration of differing personal habits and parenting skills, varying degrees of sexual desire, different ways of communication, and more. Is it any wonder that Stage 2 brings to light what we perceive as flaws in our partner's character? She/he charges too much on the credit cards, puts recreation before chores, does not understand why I need to spend so much time with my parents, or has little desire for sex. Differences are difficult to live with, especially when we assume that we are right and our partner is wrong. Our reasoning is: "I've done it this way all my life; can't you see that this is the way it should be done?" Learning how to collaborate with a partner while at the same time maintaining our individuality is the lesson of Stage 2. It can be a lengthy undertaking and usually makes or breaks the relationship.

Some relationships will never go beyond the second stage. The power struggles that occur during this time put the "relating" in relationships to the test. Just as a teenager learns how to become an individual and relate to a world outside himself and his family, an adult learns how to become a partner and be in a relationship. We learn how to get along with others at work, in our community, our state, and in our ever expanding world. Most of us learn skills to go out into the workplace and perform at a job, but few of us learn the skills to communicate and be in relationship. Basic relationship skills can go a long way to move us through this difficult stage of power struggle. Tools such as "I" messages, reflective listening, and a basic understanding of the differences between men and women are an important start. We feel it is equally important to have an awareness and understanding of two basic concepts about relationship: 1) that we alone are responsible for our feelings as well as our actions; and 2) relationships can be used to either heal or rewound the individuals in that relationship.

Marilyn: Having been in a twenty year relationship that I now recognize was one continual power struggle, I can appreciate the flow of my present relationship. Chuck and I both have an uncompromising desire to be in a relationship that works, a relationship that we can use as a path to our spiritual growth. Dr. Wayne Dyer in his tape series Freedom Through Higher Awareness comments: if you have a choice between being right and being kind, always choose to be kind." This is a choice Chuck and I are consciously trying to make in our relationship. When we disagree, we make every effort to deal with those conflicts in the moment. We try our best to go inside and discover how we feel and what our part was in the upset. This is not an easy task, especially since we have been programmed to value being right over being loving. We are used to looking outside of ourselves and blaming the other party. My automatic response to an upset used to be "why can't he understand this, it's so simple!" For the life of me, I could not understand why my partner was so dense; why he could not appreciate that this was the way it was for me. What a world of difference it makes when I can take responsibility for myself. All the blame and frustration disappears. I no longer feel that sinking feeling of disappointment and frustration that I used to feel.....that hole in pit in my stomach that asked the same questions over and over: "why am I in this relationship," and "is it as hopeless as I feel it is at this moment?" In contrast, when I can come from the understanding that I alone am responsible for the emotions that well up within me, then I can look inside and examine those feelings. This is usually easier said than done, especially when those emotions remind me of unpleasant memories about how I was treated in the past. I try very hard to share those feelings with Chuck. Sometimes, the only word I can get out is "ouch," but that is enough to get us started. This effort pays big dividends. It allows us to come to a resolution about our misunderstandings and prevents the build-up of resentments. It is also a path to healing the old wounds and building a new relationship based upon the trust of self and each other.

Chuck: The difference between my relationship with Marilyn and my previous relationships is my willingness to look at what parts I play in our upsets. It wasn't long ago that I felt I was right during most of my arguments with women. I can even remember the times that I knew I wasn't right but still couldn't give in. This power struggle was a pattern I had followed for over 30 years and I don't really know how it started. It has been a slow progression of small realizations that has led me to the point where my relationship is usually more important than my being right. Notice I said usually. There are still times when I know I'm not right or realize that I am hurting Marilyn and our relationship by staying mad, but cannot break out of the old pattern. Fortunately these times are diminishing.

How did I begin on my road to recovery? It began with very intelligent women calmly questioning me about my reasons for staying angry. They wanted to understand what kind of benefits or rewards I received for this behavior. Even when they questioned me during a fight, it was done in such a way that I felt their concern. It was clear that they truly wanted to understand what was happening within me. There was no blaming or ill will.

This process led me to begin to question myself. I went to therapy. I learned techniques I could use during a fight such as active listening, taking responsibility by using "I" statements, fair fighting rules, active listening and more. Finally I decided that I wanted to have a GREAT relationship. Now I work on trying to let go of my need to be right and consciously make the choice to be loving. Believe me, it takes a constant effort within the relationship to maintain that awareness, but it is worth it.....and so is Marilyn!

Marilyn and Chuck: The final stage of relationship is mature love. We have traveled the long road of power struggles to get here and learned what we need to learn from that path. We have completed a 180 degree turn, back to the peace and harmony that we felt with our partner when we first met. Our heart (and mind) has shifted away from finding fault and instead is focused on the specialness of our partner.....the uniqueness that attracted us to them in the first place. We have come full circle. We started out in the Romantic Stage seeing only the good, went through the Power Struggle Stage seeing mostly the negative, and now we are able to hold both. This is an expansive state. It is at this time that we make the conscious choice to put our relationship first and give up the need to always be right. This does not mean that we become less of an individual. It is at this stage that we become comfortable with who we are as individuals so that we no longer feel that we are losing a part of ourselves or our needs in order to have our relationships flow smoothly. In reality, we become more fully alive as we have expanded within ourselves to accept both the positive and the negative in another person.

Many of us have had the privilege of experiencing the rare couple who just seem to flow together. Their love and appreciation for one another glows from their very being. They fit together and feel right and everyone can see it. There is a calm and radiance about them that makes others want to be in their presence. This state of being did not happen over night. This couple has done a lot of work to get where they are. There is a deep level of commitment and understanding between them. For us, knowing that this depth of relationship exists gives us hope for our own relationship. When the power struggles seem overwhelming, we let the vision of this couple give us the strength to stay on our path and just let go. It is our belief that it is within all of us to have this type of relationship. It is a merely matter of choice.

Copyright 2001 the Relationship Specialists, Inc. All rights reserved.

Great relationships don't happen by accident. Learn the secrets to having successful one. Marilyn Hough and Chuck Schmitt, the Relationship Specialists, are licensed Marriage and Family therapists in the Portland, Oregon area. Visit their website at http://www.relationshipspecialists.com for tools and tips on how to improve your relationships. You can also sign up for free bi-monthly relationship hints.

3 Mistakes That People Make in Life

Introduction

If you are reading this article then the chances are that there are things in your life that are not as you would like them to be; the circumstances of your life aren't all that you would have hoped for; or you find that you are unhappy with the way things are.

The good news is you're not alone and you are about to learn about 3 mistakes that people frequently make and how to avoid them. These things prevent you from having the life of your dreams.

Remember: Change does not happen over night! The principles and tips you will learn need to be practiced and applied in your life by You. No-one else can do any of these things for you!

1. Not Setting Goals and Not Dreaming

Top of the list of mistakes is the lack of Goals and Dreams. For many people, simply setting goals and defining their dreams for themselves is 90% of the problem. "Yes, yes, I've heard all this before..." Mmm... so how come you are reading this article?

Most people have heard somewhere that they are "supposed" to set Goals and have Dreams, but 95% of us don't bother. Is it any wonder then that only 5% of people ever achieve their goals? Well if they are the only people setting them, then isn't it pretty obvious???

So, is it as simple as setting goals? Well, yes and no. Only a fool would think that they simply had to write down a long list of things that they want and they would magically appear! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that goals need lots of hard work attached to them, we'll get to that in a little while!

There are good goals and ones that aren't any good. The following principles will help you to define a goal that you are likely to get attached to and, as such, are likely to achieve.

S.M.A.R.T. Goals

• S - Simple Is it simple to convey your goal in a few words?
• M - Measurable How will you measure your progress?
• A - Achievable Can you achieve the goal?
• R - Realistic Are you being realistic about time and details?
• T - Timely Have you put a date on it?

There are other important aspects too:

• Positive goal - never use words like "not" and "don't" etc. e.g. I am not poor, instead, say "I am wealthy".
• Present tense - write the goal as if you have achieved it now, or say something like: "It is the 25th of January 2011 and I have..."
• Focus - don't dwell on the goal all the time, but leave reminders such as photos, or 'post-it notes' around that you will see every now and again to keep your focus steady but relaxed.

So, to sum up, in order to achieve something, you have to set goals...

Otherwise, what on earth are you aiming for???

2. Making a Living, Not Making a Life

The belief that you have to work hard to get anywhere in life is an extremely common one. The bottom line is that if something feels like hard work, how likely are you to be happy about it? If you are working hard at something that you really loathe to do, find boring, or doesn't satisfy you, then no amount of amazing outcome will ever make the journey worthwhile.

In order to move forward in life, you need to redefine your ideas about working hard. Think of something you really love to do, maybe golf, shopping or spending time with the kids (if you don't love doing any of those, then pick something else). Now, answer this question: "How much hard work is it to do this thing?"

It's not at all hard is it? Yet, you are spending time and energy (probably as much as you can spare) on these activities. The same applies to work, business or whatever you do to eat, clothe and shelter yourself. If you really love doing what you are doing, then it's not hard work at all. There may be small parts of it that you don't enjoy so much, but generally you'll just skip through these and get on to the good stuff.

In my work (which I adore), I meet so many people who are slogging their guts out at work, striving to achieve more and earn more money. Really, they are slowly wasting away their time on things they really don't enjoy doing, in order to have enough money to buy something that might make them feel happy for a while.

Why not do what you enjoy, anyway?

Is this not your challenge, to find the thing you love to do and then do as much of it as you can? Ok, so it might not be easy to find, but I assure you that if you look and you are open to it, you will find it.

Think about the people who seem to skip happily through life, they appear to get all the breaks and the good stuff...

They are simply happy with what they are doing!

3. Wondering, "Why Does it Always Happen to Me?"

This is what I call 'self-entrapment'. Thinking thoughts like this keeps you trapped in a loop that you cannot easily escape from. Imagine a world where everything that is going to happen is governed by what has happened before! In fact the only certainty we know is death - and with advances in medical science, it wouldn't surprise me if we find a way to eradicate that little problem one day!

So why do so many of us live our lives based on this unwavering belief that things always happen this way, or bad things always happen to us?

Well, your brain believes that you need to make sense of your world and so it remembers everything that ever happens to you. Then, when it perceives that you need more information, it will present you with all the evidence to suggest what might be about to happen. The problem is that it is often passed through a filter - normally a negative one.

Now this filter is trying to do something positive for you, it is trying to keep you safe, or sane. However all that it achieves is to create fear, discomfort and indecision in you. This keeps you stuck in the past - usually with the belief that if it's happened before, then it'll happen again. In order to create lasting change in your life, you are going to need to do something different to the way you have done it previously. In order to do this, you have to believe that things can be different. "Why does it always happen to me?" is going to need to be replaced by something like, "I have the opportunity to be different and to attract new, more positive circumstances into my life."

So, you can believe that: because the last 3 major life decisions you have made haven't worked out, that there is no point making a new one now. Alternatively, you can think:

"I have learned so much from my past choices and I can build on this learning with my next choice."

One final thought, from one of the great business philosophers: "For things to change you have to change." (Jim Rohn)

Dan O'Neil is a Life Coach working in the UK. He specialises in helping people create a work-life balance, improve their confidence and self-esteem, and achieve their goals in life. Dan also writes a popular personal development blog

More information on Dan's Life Coaching services. This article forms part of a free ebook download available on Dan's website.

Relationship Self Help - 2 Simple Techniques to Put Your Relationship Back on Track

Relationships between couples can go wrong due to various reasons. In a vast majority of the cases where relationships have completely broken down, couples gradually begin to regret the break up and long to get back their ex. Fortunately though, there are two simple relationship self help techniques that can help you rescue your relationship.

Technique # 1: Share quality time: In today's hectic and competitive world, couples hardly spend quality time with each other. Couples need to remember that with time and other commitments, such as children and career, the initial enthusiasm in their relationship is bound to come down. The first technique involved in relationship self help involves, creating time for both of you. You should let your close friends or family members know that you have allotted a particular time slot on a daily basis for this purpose. Spending time together will help you get to know exactly how your significant other half is feeling. Remember, relationship self help should start with a sincere commitment on your part that you would spend more time with him or her.

Technique #2: Say goodbye to your ego: A lot of times relationships sour due to both the parties involved not agreeing to each other's viewpoint. In many cases, it is purely a case of egos that have been hurt. While in some cases it is the husband who feels that he has been wronged and in a similar number of cases the wife. Couples usually end up accusing each other and further ruining their relationship. In many cases, the ego plays a significant part, with one of the partners not willing to listen to the other's view point. This should not be the case. Remember, a major part of relationship self help starts with understanding this point and not letting ego come in between your relationship. In fact relationship self help is all about adjusting to each other's needs.

Hopping online is the best way to find advice on relationship self help. You can have a look at Magicofmakingup - a virtual treasure house of advice on relationship, can help you patch up with your ex and enjoy a happy life.

Festering Emotional Wounds - How Disturbing Memories Can Remain Bothersome For Years

Imagine being about 6 years-old, when you ask a friend to play with his or her toy. He or she says, "No." As an adult, you know that if this scenario had happened in your life, it happened because 6 year-olds are basically selfish and do not know how to share. As a 6 year-old, however, you would not have known that that was the real reason. As a way of making sense of the senseless, you might have adopted a negative belief about yourself, as it related to the situation. In other words, you may have suggested to yourself that "I am not good enough." Or, "I am not likeable."

This interpretation may have meant little, except when later, a parent says, "No" and a teacher says, "No." Now, one may begin to use this random life experience, in order to support this erroneous set of beliefs that "I am not good enough" or "I am not likeable."

Within adolescence, a teacher may say, "No" or a date may say, "No." Now, as one enters early adulthood, one may not simply think these things to be true, but one may begin to feel them to be true. The beliefs that we feel to be true tend to guide our actions. If we feel it to be true that "I am not worthy" and "I am not likeable," we are probably not heading in a direction that is consistent with our desires.

The things that we feel to be true tend to guide our actions, as we allow things to happen and do things, consistent with the beliefs. Although these beliefs seem to offer an explanation, however, their assertions are not true. Yet, it may be initially difficult to believe otherwise, since these initial beliefs seem to offer a plausible explanation. The truth, based upon the wealth of one's other life experiences, however, insists that despite what happened, "I am worthy" and "I am likeable." In great part, therapy is a way to resolve disturbing memories, in order to release the erroneous beliefs. As a result, one is finally able to begin to embrace the truth that "I am worthy" and "I am likeable." These new, healthier perspectives begin to guide one into the more positive direction of one's intentions.

http://www.ThePsychologist.com Gerald Solfanelli is a Pennsylvania licensed psychologist and certified hypnotherapist in full-time private practice. As a presenter for PESI, he provides national continuing education workshops for mental health and educational professionals. He also hosts his own website that helps visitors simplify their overall healthcare, by improving their emotional health with popular psychology-related links, best-selling e-books, hypnosis and other FREE self-help programs.

Included within his site is also a FREE hypnosis for smoking cessation instant audio MP3 download, links to discount coupons for other quit smoking aides, and free e-book access to best-selling quit smoking publications. Solfanelli is a member of Pennsylvania's Pre-approved Tobacco Cessation Registry. His American website is accredited by the HON Foundation, a non-governmental agency in special consultative status with the United Nations that promotes health trustworthy information.

(c) Copyright 2008 - Psychologist Gerald A. Solfanelli. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

Tips For Healthy Kid Habits

No longer are diabetes and obesity a problem just for grown-ups. More and more children are being affected by these life changing conditions as well. As parents there is a ton that we can do to help our children learn how to be healthy and LOVE doing it. Following are some tips on how to do just that.

1. Start young. Just because they are little, don't be afraid to introduce healthy moving and eating. It is way easier to make these kinds of habits when they are young. As they get older it gets harder. It isn't impossible to help teenagers form good habits, but it definitely takes a lot more work, education, patience and persistence.

2. Turn off the electronics. Limit the exposure to these kinds of activities to no more than an hour a day. It may have been a while, but without the distraction of all of the electronics, kids do learn how to play "kid games" again. It will make a huge difference in the activity level of everyone in the house.

3. Find an activity you like to do as a family. Maybe you like to ski. Take the kids with you. Try a weekly habit of walking a local trail or bike path together. Find kid friendly events to go to together. Our family likes to find a fun run each month to participate in as a family. We like to look for ones that have shorter distances that the younger kids can do as well. It's a lot of fun!

4. Try new recipes. Expose your children to new recipes frequently. Children, as well as adults, are creatures of habit. We like the same old foods over and over again. It's comforting. It can be a struggle to get kids to eat new things, but if you offer new things often enough, they will get used to trying new things and won't fight you as much. I try to find a couple of new recipes each week to serve to my family. It takes patience, but eventually you will find some things that are healthy substitutions for your family's unhealthy favorites that you kids and spouse will actually eat.

5. Be an example. This is the big one. Your kids watch you and do what you do even if they don't want to. If you are trying to learn and grow and be healthy, they will see that and it WILL make an impression.

Kelly is a down to earth personal trainer who loves helping her clients catch the fitness bug. She is a busy triathlete who has completed many sprint to Iron distance races. As a mother of 5, she personally understands the challenge of balancing workouts and healthy, but kid friendly meals. Having struggled with her weight and with type II diabetes, she really knows what it is all about. Check out her website at http://www.oneforfitness.com

Kundalini Activation - How Self Hypnosis Helps Kundalini Enlightenment

If you ever hope to access the Kundalini energy that lies hidden within your chakras you may need more than a little Kundalini activation help. This power is hidden within you laying dormant until you either find the mental clarity to tap those resources for yourself or experience moments of great need that bring them, unbidden, to the surface. If you seek to make these chakras do your bidding you are going to need to devote some time and energy into learning to control them so that they work in unity and on demand. This is much easier imagined than accomplished.

What is the Kundalini Path?

The Kundalini path is literally the path to enlightenment. Followers of this path believe that there is a living power within each of us. Enlightenment is the ability to unify various chakras within us so that they will work in harmony with one another. The path to enlightenment is a journey in this belief and one that is well rewarded. Kundalini activation help is not the easiest help to find though there are a few excellent resources that will provide insight and guidance.

Unifying the Energy Within

Through conscious effort, it is often difficult to unify forces that are generally opposed or work independently of one another. To do so on a subconscious level is an even greater feat for those who accomplish this. Once you learn to unify the energy within yourself there will be little you set your mind to that you cannot accomplish.

The Kundalini Awakening

Many people experience some degree of let down when their Kundalini first awakens. No matter how often you are told and expect there to be no unity there is still an initial sense of disappointment that follows that initial thrill of excitement. Don't allow yourself to dwell on what didn't happen. Choose to focus on the positive and realize that you managed to wake your Kundalini. This is an accomplishment to celebrate even without control.

Tantric Kundalini Awakenings

Couples will want to explore tantric Kundalini activation help for an amazing experience that defies all others. There are stark differences between Kundalini awakenings that are achieved through yoga and those that are achieved through tantra. If you get nothing else from this, understand that to experience this awakening with a lover is an experience that defies words.

Hypnosis Help With Kundalini Awakenings

Listening to recordings and self hypnosis can help you train your subconscious mind to awaken your Kundalini. If you need Kundalini activation help you will probably find that self hypnosis is an excellent source of assistance not only for the actual activation but also when it comes to gaining control.

Begin an Amazing Journey

Are you ready to leave the shell of yourself behind and find a completely new plain of existence? Are you ready to experience more of everything than you've ever imagined possible? If so, today is the day to seek Kundalini activation help and begin exploring life on an entirely new and exciting level.

J. Seymour is a writer with Self Help Recordings. 'Discover Kundalini Activation' is an excellent recording by Steve G Jones, who offers twenty years of experience through these recordings. To find out more, visit Kundalini Activation Help. A range of other self hypnosis products can be found here - Kundalini Self Help. All of the recordings on Self Help Recordings are backed by an impressive sixty day guarantee, so to find out more simply click on the links.

Keeping Your Dreams on a Wire?

Are you living or acting on your dreams or are your dreams sitting, like birds on a wire waiting on the right moment to take flight? If you do not act on your dreams, or take decisive steps to make your dreams a reality, they will remain dreams; buried deep inside of you. Here are a few suggestions to help your dreams take wings:

Believe in yourself, self-confidence is a key component to success. You know much more than you think you know because you have researched and researched your project.

Business plan: Work on a business plan. There are several free samples readily available or find some who specializes in writing business plans.

Mastermind group: Discuss your plan/idea with a trusted friend, or if you have several good friends form, (or join), a mastermind group where you will discuss ideas and come up with solutions or ideas that may be very workable.

Know your product. Do your homework, what/who is your competition. Know the pros and cons of what you are offering. Find out all you can about similar products. Ensure that your product is exceptional.

Prepare yourself to go the extra mile, offer the best of the best.

Listen to others but make knowledgeable, fact based decisions.

Network, network, network you will gather invaluable information from other entrepreneurs, business owners, managers, coaches and or consultants.

Try, try and try again; seek out different avenues and ways to do what you want to do; success does not always come on the first attempt. Trying several times affords you the opportunity to perfect your craft.

Remember, no one can dream Your dream, therefore no one can make it a reality but you. Do not let anyone, not even you, talk you out of your dream.

Joanna Parris, CSP is a Certified Home Stating Expert, a member of RESA (Real Estate Staging Association) & SEA (Staging Excellence Alliance) she can be reached at effectivestaging@rogers.com.

Compassion - A Powerful Doorway to Personal Growth

What if there was one choice you could make that would change everything in your life for the better? Actually, there is. Its the choice to move out of judgment and into compassion for yourself and others.

Compassion is defined as a deep caring for the pain of others, often accompanied by a desire to help. There is nothing that feels more wonderful and comforting than experiencing anothers compassionate response to our painful feelings and experiences.

However, its interesting that compassion is never defined in terms of oneself. Yet, compassion is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. In fact, when we give compassion to others but not to ourselves, we often end up feeling alone, worn out, and uncared for.

Jackie is a good example of a person who has compassion for others but not for herself. She is a very caring mother and wife. She listens compassionately to her husbands work problems and does all she can to help him, even when she is having her own work problems. She is always there for her children, helping them with whatever problems arise, as well as for her co-workers. Everyone sees Jackie as a very loving person and she is. So why is she often unhappy? Why is she often so fatigued and depleted? The problem is that Jackie is completely out of touch with her own feelings.

Jackie is so focused on meeting everyone elses needs that she never tunes into herself and her own feelings and needs. She doesnt know when she is tired or when she needs time for herself. She doesnt know when she is feeling sad, lonely, or anxious. Because she has no compassion for herself, she finds herself using food to fill the inner emptiness that is the result of not taking loving care of herself.

Richard, on the other hand, lacks compassion for both himself and others. While it may seem as if he has compassion for himself, he also is not tuned into his own feelings. It seems like Richard has compassion for himself because he does what he wants buys what he wants, goes after what he wants, spends time the way he wants. But his choices are coming from his fears and his addictive need to fill up from outside with things and approval rather than from love and compassion for himself. In addition, he is usually unconscious regarding the effect his behavior has on others. He keeps people waiting, doesnt do what he says he is going to do, and becomes judgmental rather than compassionate in the face of anothers difficulties. Instead of caring when his wife is tired or needs help, he gets resistant and resentful that she isnt there for him or is asking something of him.

A lack of compassion for oneself and others is a major cause of inner and relationship unhappiness. In terms of personal growth, if you were to just focus on making compassion your highest priority both for yourself and for others you would find yourself progressing toward happiness, peace and joy more rapidly than you can imagine.

We move into compassion for ourselves when we know that we have very good reasons for our feelings and behavior, and into compassion for others when we know that others also have very good reasons for their feelings and behavior. These good reasons are the fears and false beliefs that we have absorbed from our growing up years that create our painful feelings and our defensive behavior.

Moving into compassion is a process that takes time and practice:

1. Moving into compassion for yourself starts with noticing your self-judgment. Judgment is the opposite of compassion. When you judge yourself, you are telling yourself that you are wrong or bad for your feelings or behavior, rather than that you have good reasons. Each time you realize that you are judging yourself, consciously open your heart to compassion for yourself. When your intention is to be compassionate rather than judgmental, you will discover that it is not as hard as you think to shift from judgment to compassion.

2. Moving into compassion for others is similar. Begin to notice your anger, irritation, judgment, resentment, or resistance toward others. These negative feelings are the opposite of compassion. Once you notice these feelings, you have the choice to open to caring, understanding to compassion.

3. Each time you find yourself in judgment for yourself or others, instead of judging yourself for judging, move into compassion for the judgmental part of you. If you judge yourself for judging yourself or others, you will stay stuck. If you embrace with compassion the judgmental part of yourself, you will find yourself gradually becoming less judgmental and more compassionate.

Each time you are compassionate with yourself and others, it becomes easier next time. You will discover that focusing on compassion for both yourself and others will move you toward the peace and joy you are seeking. It all comes from your intent to protect against pain with your controlling behaviors, such as anger, blame and judgment, or to learn about loving yourself and others. When your deepest desire is to become a loving human being, opening to compassion is a powerful doorway to that path.

The preceding article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com

Copyright: 2004 by Margaret Paul

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of a powerful self-help, 6-step emotional and spiritual healing process called Inner Bonding. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com