Ladies, what defines us? Is it our careers, our social status, our husbands, our children, or anything else that we hide ourselves in? I am curious as to why we feel we must explain ourselves, justify who we are and what we do. It is almost like we are in a constant state of defense.
Just the other day I met a woman while I was waiting for my daughter to finish dance class. There was something familiar about this woman. While I listened to her talk and watched her body language as she told me she was "just" a mother, I realized why she seemed so familiar; I saw myself in her.
I remember when my children were young and I was a stay at home mom. It seemed everyone had a life but me. Don't misunderstand what I am about to say, I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my children when they were young, I love my children and I love being a mom. Yet, at the same time, I felt insignificant, unimportant, and unnoticed.
Stay at home mothers are often labeled as non working women. I do not know of any other job that requires you to work twenty-four-seven, without pay, vacation, sick days or even weekends off.
Motherhood is definitely a labor of love and it does have its rewards, just not in the form of paychecks.
There seems to be a pecking order among women and I wonder how it came to this. If you want to know what I am talking about, go to where the women are gathered and listen to the conversations. As I eavesdrop on these conversations, I ponder how many of these ladies are truly happy. Are they content?
If we strip away the career, the husbands, the children, the designer labels, the nice cars, and anything else we hide behind, what would we find?
There is nothing wrong with having the finer things, but it is not these things that define us. We cannot build our foundation on the success of our careers, our husband's careers, our finances, or anything else that is material. Jobs can be lost, divorce happens, and money can fall through our fingers. If we are not careful, when we lose things, we are left with a bitter mess.
So what are we to do then? We can start by keeping it real.
Relationships - Build a friendship. To have a friend we must be a friend. It takes time to cultivate a lasting friendship. We all need a friend that we can talk to, share our joys and frustrations with. A friend is that person who will celebrate your strengths, overlook your flaws, laugh with you, cry with you, and not be afraid to wave that yield sign when you are not making right choices.
Meditate - Keep your mind focused on things that build you up. Do not dwell on the things that you do not have, cherish the things that you do have. If a thought keeps your mind in the gutter of depression and frust-ration, do not waste your time and emotional energy dwelling on it. Think on things that are pure, true, and worth thinking about. Have you heard the saying that what a person thinks, that is what that person becomes? It's true.
Take Time - In our busy society it is easy to get overwhelmed. We are constantly running and when we are not running we are thinking about running. We exhaust ourselves and we do not take time to recharge our batteries. We cannot continue burning the candle at both ends without consequence. Get away, even if it is only for a couple hours. It is not selfish to take time for yourself.
Volunteer - Find a cause and help further it. Nursing homes are filled with people that need a smiling face to visit them. There are children that need a mentor. Organizations need people to help stuff envelopes. The idea is to step outside of your own box and help someone else. Give of yourself and the rewards cannot be measured. I am not suggesting you add extra busyness to your life. It only takes a little time. Work it into your schedule. An hour a week or one day a month is all it takes.
Focus - Keep your focus on what matters. Before saying yes to anything ask yourself if it matters. Sometimes we say yes to everything and before we know it we lose our focus and lose ourselves. Remember what is most important; it starts with you and your family. Do not sacrifice your family or your sanity because you have over committed yourself.
Give Yourself A Break - No one is perfect, not even you. You can only do what you can do; you cannot be all things to all people. Nor can one person be all things to you. Do not compare yourself to others, we all fall short. We are unique individuals, one persons strength is another's weakness. It all works out when we work together.
Celebrate - It is what is inside that makes us beautiful. Outer beauty fades. Women come in all shapes and sizes. We are beautiful, celebrate being a woman.
Success should be defined not in what we do, or how much we earn, rather it is the legacy we leave behind. It is in the lives we touch. It is in the inner knowing that we are alright with who we are and there is no one else like us. We all have a gift that we have been given and when we use it not only for our own benefit, but to benefit others, then we have truly found ourselves.
Stacey Eutin is a full time mother and student of paralegal studies. She has served in ministry for women and young adults as mentor and public speaker. She currently lives in South Florida with her husband and children.
Gary Thomas
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